When I initially wanted to write out a blog post about the first-ever wellness retreat I attended, I got sidetracked uploading my 2023 reflections and then looking at the rest of my previous journal accounts and everything in between.
Breathwork + Ice bath, Bali, Jan 2024
My first breathwork experience happened with Kemie when I signed up for her breathwork + ice bath workshop in Bali.
I knew Kemi from a year ago when I was focused on learning yoga inversions. Knowing she was offering a breakthrough workshop, and at new year’s no less, it was a no-brainer to sign up for it.
I’ve been to ice baths before and know the emotional and physical benefits. Mostly, I enjoy it for the natural high from immersing myself in incredibly uncomfortable environments and then coming out of it. When have I ever shied away from challenging myself?
Case in point:
- Bungee jumping in Thailand when I was 18
- Cliff jumping in the Philippines
- Skydiving in New Zealand
- Paragliding in South Africa
- Freediving in Thailand and Indonesia
- Being in front of the camera
- Talking to strangers
Some say breathwork is akin to the effects of LSD i.e. intensified thoughts, emotions, and sensory perception.
I’ve done basic breathing, but this workshop was the first insight into the science of the breath. Through instrumental music, her guidance and prompt questions, we were able to go into a deep inner state.
What stood out for me as the happiest moments in my life?
This question was what gave me the answer to what I should be focusing and pursuing more.
My first thought was my time pet-sitting Michi, my foster cat, in Cusco, Peru. As an abandoned pregnant kitty, she was initially so wary of us as strangers but grew to be fond of and clingy to us.
As she was late to be due, we had to take her with us on our travels around the Sacred Valley, where we watched her play in the garden of our sponsor hotel Andenia Hotel (here’s a quick walkthrough in a reel), saw how she looked at us cutely from the glass window of our hostel and finally gave birth under our blankets one fateful day. She’d moved at least 4 separate locations in a span of 2 weeks, all while she gave birth. How adventurous and well-behaved she was!
I created this reel in commemoration of our time together:
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Watching her give birth to life and the death of a kitten. Us, a family of 7 – Selassie, myself, Michi and her 4 babies, all huddled up in bed together, her blind babies crawling all over us in a bid to look for a nipple to suck on.
My Michi giving birth in Cusco, Peru!
What spurred my incessant eagerness to foster a cat in Cusco, something that’s usually impossible when you’re travelling so much, was spurred by pet-sitting 3 dogs and a cat in La Paz, Bolivia earlier.
We had the full equipment of a house – a kitchen complete with food, a housekeeper, board games, bicycles, a dining table, a stereo, a giant TV set where we could do yoga in front of, and a huge garden patio.
We lived a routine life, woken up by the dogs for their walks, morning breakfast, working, cooking lunch, doing groceries, feeding the pets, evening dog walks, occasional yoga, running, evening meals with Netflix together, weekend ventures around Bolivia.
Watch the clip of us in this Instagram reel:
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It sounds like every normal person’s life, yet something I so covet, for a few reasons:
1. I want so badly to have a place I can call my own, a place where I can be unapologetically myself. I’ve first had this realisation when I did my first mushroom trip in the Christmas of 2020 in Costa Rica.
2. Having the company of pets made it feel like I was part of a family I chose, created and can nurture.
3. The stability and routine of a home allowed me to focus on the deep work aspects of creating and running my own business.
I’ve had the privilege of living many lives – what I call borrowed lives – living in someone else’s home, being in someone else’s shoes, living in another country, with another culture, another way of life. All while having to adapt to the way things are being done then and there.
Why do I subject myself to the discomfort, you ask? Why not settle for what you’re comfortable doing since you know you’re comfortable living life a certain way?
Perhaps it’s a tug at the back of my head that something right now doesn’t feel quite right. Perhaps it’s the feeling that “this” isn’t how I’m supposed to live life. “This”, isn’t how I want to settle. “This”, doesn’t make me feel fulfilled.
Or you can simply pin it on my unceasing curiosity about the world and how others have lived it based on the circumstances they were born into.
If I was born in LA, how would my life be different?
If I was born in the middle of Kenya with no guarantee of food and electricity each day, how would I be like?
If my parents hadn’t brought me up the way they did, how would I have turned out differently?
If I got married at 21, how would life be different?
The same reason why I choose and embody travel and all the challenges that come with it, it’s all about learning about ourselves along the way.
My likes, dislikes, preferences. What I cannot tolerate, what brings a smile to my face, what fills me with wild exuberance.
And I’m OBSESSED with wanting to enable others to learn more about themselves too.
I can only describe this process as a release, a processing of the whole spectrum of emotions we’ve buried to appear stronger, more successful, more in control, and burying the discomforting feelings as a result, such as longing, rejection, and pain. Feelings that are equally valid and deserve to be felt fully to be human.
It made me realise how much our body holds and how unkindly we sometimes treat our physical and mental selves.
In the grand scheme of things, we’re all keeping busy for the sake of keeping busy, and keeping up with everyone else’s perceived successes, but when it all comes down to it, it’s the little moments that are my happiest moments.
Have you stopped to consider, what are the moments in your life that matter the most to you?
Armonia Retreat, Cyprus, April 2024
So I finally attended a retreat for the first time, thanks to a couple of factors.
1. I’ve always wanted to attend a meaningful retreat, one not driven by good marketing but by really good hosts.
2. This retreat was organised by my good Cypriot friend Eva, and I wanted to support her.
3. Cyprus has been on my radar since 2022 when I first met Eva for the first time. I HAD to satisfy my curiosity of Cyprus and its famed reputation of having more cats than humans. Also, I had to go check out why it’s such a haven for digital nomads. Before I flew in, I also sorted out a local eSIM for Cyprus — as a nomad, staying connected without hunting for SIM cards on arrival is non-negotiable.
Yet again, I was blown away by the retreat after the few days of being immersed in breathwork and meditation.
One recurring theme kept surfacing:
The Breath.
Hyperventilating (in a practised and guided form) can allow us to peel away the many layers of social conditioning to reveal the core of how we feel, our truths. And it’s a feeling I’ve been chasing since the breathwork I did in Bali in January this year.
In this retreat, there was also a session for us to experience the power of breath. I allowed myself to be open to the experience once again with no expectations, and I allowed myself to strip my defences down.
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- Meditating during wellness retreat
I remember having so much love for my family I burst in the form of tears. Part of my tear-jerking moment was in part due to the strained relationship with my sister and friends back home. Flashbacks of what had caused our relationship to be the way it is today flashed through my mind. Was it because I’ve been away for so long that I haven’t been present and involved in their lives? Was it because I didn’t care enough?
I wanted so badly to give my sister a hug and tell her “I love you.”
And if it was eating me up so much inside, what can I do NOW to repair and reverse the situation?
I could be nicer. Be less calculative, be more compassionate. Be less triggered, be more understanding.
I could be more involved in their lives. Be more supportive. Invest more time. Take the initiative.
If you really want something hard enough, there are means and ways to achieve it. Nothing is set in stone. The only thing getting in your way is excuses. That, and throwing in the towel.
When I opened my eyes at the end of the session, I remember the first sight I saw was the soft hues of the sunset reflecting on the ocean out in front of me. The sound of gentle pattering of the waves as if soothing me. It was symbolic for me, because the ocean had always been the one to hug me whenever I felt stressed or anxious. It has a way of telling me everything is going to be alright.
By the end of the retreat, everyone had broken down their defences and cried and hugged and supported in any way we each could. We have gone from strangers to sisterhood (and brotherhood).
It made me realise THIS is the meaning of life. THIS is what I want to share more. The power of our SELFs. And how to cultivate that power.
Not how to earn more money. Not how to be rich and famous.
So many of us have lost ourselves to the pursuit of ego, that only when in the face of life and death do you really stop to contemplate: what do you REALLY want with your life?
