Horror Sex Stories from Travelling Solo

Okay. I try to usually refrain from talking about sensitive and controversial topics on my travel blog because of all the hate comments I may potentially get, but let’s face it, some truths need to be shared. I’ve been keeping this particular topic I feel so strongly about to myself for sometime now, but I think it’s time I take a stand.

Since no one is researching about travel right now, I thought it’s time (while I’m not travelling) to be honest about myself and to be honest with you about some occurrences that have happened during the course of my travel.

Stockbridge, Edinburgh

I’ve always advocated and romanticised about travel and how it has helped me appreciate humanity and all the other benefits one can get from getting out of your comfort zone and embracing the unknown.

I still do. However, as with everything, there is always a flip side to travel. Having put myself out there into the real world, I’ve witnessed some of the ugly sides of the world too.

As well-travelled as I am (38 countries by age 26) and as prepared as you can be, there are still dangers masked in the form of kindness when you’re on the road. My naivety has almost put me in precarious situations in some instances.

Costa Mesa, California

Travelling solo as a girl is a vulnerable thing to do. I applaud and laud any other solo female travellers out there doing the same. Being vulnerable has opened my eyes to a lot of things.

Such as the fact that everywhere I couchsurfed, whenever I couchsurfed with a male host, it will always, more often than not, end up with them wanting to bed me.

Of course there are exceptions, such as when I was living with a lecturer in Dresden or with a software engineer who works in Google in San Francisco.

Regardless of whether I couchsurfed in Europe or in the US, their motives are universal.

Am I being sexist? Generalising the males species on the planet? Maybe, but the fact that the female species are the more vulnerable lot is indisputable, and because of that, we are more prone to such threats. Would a male couchsurfer couchsurfing in a female’s home face the same fear as a female couchsurfer couchsurfing in a male’s home?

Here’s how it usually goes:

These “kind-hearted” guys would be willing to host me for free, want to “support my travels”, treat me to good food because they enjoy my company. Naive me would have believed that “hey, I’ve gained a new friend abroad. There are actually kind-hearted people around who’d do selfless things and pay kindness forward!”

Then sometime during the duration of the hosting, they would somehow weave the topic of sex, or drop hints about it and test my reaction.

I’m not saying that all men are like that – I’ve met people abroad who are really sincere about learning new cultures and exchanging knowledge. The ugly truth is that more often than not, they are usually a minority.

And I’m not opposed to using Couchsurfing for engaging in casual sex, if both parties are totally open to that. It just feels degrading when you’re not, and knowing there are men out there who view the opposite gender as a way to get off.

Roaming the streets of Tallinn, Estonia

Here are some real-life situations I’ve encountered:

I’ve been hosted by a guy in LA who demand I sit beside him in bed to watch a movie despite me repeatedly telling them I’m tired, who offered to give me massages at the end of a long travel day, only to try to lead me to the one thing they want. When I tried to get my point across, the last method he tried was by confessing how he really likes me. Yeah right, nice try.

Then there would be the Mr Sincere from Hawaii who confessed that he really liked my personality and that thought we’d get along well. Granted, we’ve had some common interests like yoga and living in the moment, and nice conversations to boot.

There’s also Mr Nice who’d ask politely if he could kiss me, only to inch his way to more.

Not forgetting Mr Generous in LA who insisted on paying for all my meals (is this the way you want to go on a budget in LA?), who picked me up and dropped me off at the airport, who lent me his car to use in the day, who offered to pay for my missed bus just to stay in LA a few more days with him.

There was also Mr Daft in France, who got ballsy and tried to be intimate despite me repeatedly telling him I have a boyfriend. His response? “Oh, your boyfriend doesn’t need to know if you don’t tell him.”

In all of the above instances, we parted on good terms. After all, they were kind enough to host me, right? I couldn’t just repay them by submitting a nasty review, could I?

Therein lies the paradox of truth. To repay kindness with nasty remarks to warn others after me, or to just shut the hell up since nothing happened to me? After all, they were respectful enough not to do things against my will. Some of them even offered to host me again if I decide to come back, and I truly believed they were well-intentioned, until I found out they didn’t.

How did I know they didn’t mean what they say? When I reached out to those who offered to host me again – this time with a travel companion – they outright refused me, even when it was totally within their means to host 2 people.

When I politely told one host who kept wanting me to go back to him that I’m no longer available or interested in him, he very swiftly turned the tables around and asked me to find him another girl.

…WTF? What do they take us for? A backup FWB to use and discard?

Sunrise at Nuuksio National Park, Finland

There was once someone who made a remark that Asian women are easier to prey on, that being subservient, it’s easier to get what you want with the Asian species because we are brought up to be agreeable and we don’t know how to say no.

That made me not only feel insulted, but also infuriated, for being looked upon as easy targets. While I don’t disavow with his point, it sucks that the way we were brought up has become a target to shallow predators.

While on the road in the US, I’ve heard even darker stories about women being psychologically abused in a relationship.

I’ve seen a really kind-hearted, ambitious woman who is willing to settle for a slipshod, alcoholic guy I know she doesn’t at all deserve, just because the previous guy she’d been with had treated her worse than the current one.

I’ve also heard stories of a woman who lives accepting the fact that her partner doesn’t find her attractive and lets him finish off to other more attractive alternatives just because she doesn’t feel good enough for him. It’s as if she is this empty shell that she allows to be used just so she can keep him.

I’ve heard stories of a woman being psychologically abused in previous relationships because her guy would use sex to “punish” her, and because of that, her view of sex in subsequent romantic relationships is now distorted in a way that anytime she engages in sex with others, she would view it as a kind of punishment.

I’ve heard stories of a woman being taken advantage of while she was unconscious by her so-called “boyfriend”, only to be told by him months later what he’d done to her in a fit of anger then, because he was too remorseful for keeping the truth from her any longer. Yes, I believe they call that rape. The only reason why she didn’t call him out was because he was the remorseful boyfriend that still cared for her.

I’ve heard stories of abandonment, of parents who practiced favouritism, and growing up, they felt little to no self-love and self-confidence.

Catching the sunset at Nuuksio National Park, Finland

I don’t know what your threshold for acceptance is for these women who put themselves in those situations, and I’m in no position to judge, but what in the world happened to gender equality?

That sucks. That mighty sucks. Listening to all these morbid stories, my heart truly goes out for these women.

It made me realise what a sheltered, drama-free life I’ve led, and how fortunate many of us are to be protected from these ignorant men. There are some of us who are lucky enough to have had proper upbringing, been brought up in a loving family and have been taught values about how to treat other humans right. I’ve been fortunate enough to have been brought up by role models and surrounded by friends who respect and care.

Had I not stepped out into the world and listened to these stories, I would have been oblivious to the dangers of the world, oblivious to the pain so many women are suffering in ways they don’t deserve to.

Nuuksio National Park, Finland

What is the point of bringing all these up?

To all the females who are reading this – you may have been surrounded by prim and proper men all your life, but you shouldn’t rest on your laurels when it comes to accepting candy from strangers. You can accept it, but with a pinch of salt. Be cautious. Always have a backup plan. This might sound like a lame parent-child advice, but don’t put yourself in situations where you might be drugged, outnumbered or taken advantage of. Be firm when it comes to saying no.

To those who relate to these dark stories – I can never understand your plight or situation, and I know I’m in no position to advise. But I mean it when I say:

You are a beautiful human and you deserve so much better. No one should ever tell you how to act or feel about yourself. You don’t deserve to be put down or trapped by shallow people in your life, You deserve to be loved, cherished and appreciated for who and what you are, not ashamed for yourselves. And you have the power to decide how you want to live your life.

If it helps, talk to someone you trust or someone professional online like Talkspace, 7 Cups or BetterHelp. I’m no licensed therapist, but you can even talk to me. If it doesn’t, muster the courage to step away from what you know is detrimental to your happiness. Do you really want to sacrifice long-term happiness for short-term consolation?

Is Couchsurfing dangerous? It could be.

Why do I still choose to put myself in potential danger? Because through such adversaries, I know I’ve emerged a stronger, firmer, more resilient, more confident girl who can stand up for herself, think on her feet and say no when she means it. I now know better than to let sweet talk get the better of me.

Would I do it again? I probably would, but before I agree to a kind man’s offer the next time, I wouldn’t be as naive as I used to. For the most part, I still believe in the goodness of humanity. I don’t want my life to be encapsulated in a safety net, because there are still so many incredible people outside my circle I’ve yet to meet.

For what it’s worth, there are also multiple platforms to meet people or be hosted, such as WWOOF, Trusted Housesitters, Workaway and Meetup to name a few.

If I’d always listened to my parents and never took the first step to try Couchsurfing or drive overseas or to travel solo, I would never become who I am today – someone who’s proud of who she’s become, someone who isn’t afraid of saying no, someone who’s afraid of walking away from popular opinion, someone who’s lived a life others dream of living when they retire – at 26.