Breathwork & Mushrooms – A Raw Account

Okay, so I wanted to share more about my personal journey with doing these types of  techniques that I didn’t want to share in my main Instagram account for reasons that are pretty obvious, but I still feel it’s important to share my journey, which started all the way in 2020 when I did my first mushroom trip. I was introduced to it by a very trusted friend.

Here’s my long story kept short, and I’ll try and keep this as short as possible.

That Mushroom Experience

My intention for it was I wanted to find out the reason why I’m doing what I was doing, which is basically traveling so much experiencing new things and I wanted to figure out the point of doing it all. Without going into too much detail everything suddenly made sense.

I had flashbacks of all my different travel experiences and it all, in my mind during that mushroom experience, it all tied to one theme, which was, I’ve been living so many different “borrowed lives” as I call it, because I’ve been living in different homes, different B&Bs, different cultures, living different lifestyles, and basically during my trip what I found out was that, me as a person I was going on my own personal journey trying to find out that feeling of home that has been seem to be eluding me, the point of experimenting all these different lives was so that I could get a better understanding of “What would make me feel most at home?”

And I guess this stems from like our lifestyles in Singapore where we don’t really have our own space we don’t really have that freedom to design the kind of life and the environment that we want because of Constraints whatsoever maybe financial constraints maybe because of societal constraints We’re not able to do that.

And that’s the reason why you know in the first place I got out of Singapore to live on my own terms basically. So in that mushroom experience itself, That was very clear to me then that The whole point of me doing what I was doing is so that eventually I can recreate that feeling of home and also recreate like whether externally and my surroundings or whether in my mind like maybe it’s just that feeling of home that I want to prime myself into Basically, I got better clarity as to what that idea of home to me feels like.

And it was such a sigh of relief because if not for that experience, that mushroom experience, I would still be aimlessly trying to figure it out, through travelling and always just asking myself what the point of doing all this travelling for, because at times it can feel meaningless in a way.

But now that I subconsciously understand myself, it suddenly all just made sense.

If you want to dive deeper, I wrote a journal account right after my first mushroom trip. I’ve never shared it with anyone since it was written post-Christmas in 2020. I’ll put it at the bottom of this blog post if you’d like to indulge. It may or may not make sense to you, but I wanted to recount everything in that trip for the purpose of recollecting.

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My First Breathwork Experience

Now I want to talk a bit more about my first breathwork experience. Let’s just say this happened again During the New Year period, because I like to do things that kind of stimulates my reflection. And both of these New Year periods, I was in Bali and attending a lot of different women’s circles, and reflection circles, doing different techniques, one of which was the breath work plus ice bath experience.

I didn’t even know what breathwork was really about but Kemi, whom I’m co-hosting this 2025 Transformation and Connection Retreat with, She was the one that was explaining to us the importance of breath work how it regulates the nervous system basically when you’re breathing shallowly, for example, if you’re feeling nervous, or if you’re feeling anxious, or if you’re feeling panicked, you breathe very shallowly.

If you’re feeling scared, all these fight or flight responses, it’s all part of it’s your breath at work as well.

And so once you’ve understood that, and once you’ve taken control of your breathing, like being conscious of your breathing, you can intentionally slow down your breath, take deeper breaths, And that would instantly calm your mind down, that would help you think clearer, that would basically put your mind in a calmer, positive, rested state, and everything else will follow.

So how this applied to the ice plunge experience. The first instinct when you enter the stinging environment, which is the ice bath, your immediate instinct would be to leave immediately, get out of this uncomfortable situation. And this can be applied throughout life.

As part of human nature, we want to escape uncomfortable situations and be in our comfort zones. It’s just human nature, right? But, sometimes we know being in discomfort, being in uncomfortable situations is good for us. So how do we prime our body to do that?

And so that exercise I did with Kemie was very useful.

I wasn’t foreign to the idea of ice baths, but just combining the idea of breathing properly with being in an uncomfortable situation that is in the ice plunge, it dramatically increased the amount of time that all of us in that workshop could stay in the ice cold water. And that was a huge lesson to learn because it’s basically telling us that your body, your mind, everything, it is stronger than you think it is.

And as long as you put it to work, as long as you believe in yourself, and as long as you regulate your mind and your breath, you can actually accomplish so much. Things that you didn’t think that you could. And I feel like this can apply to a lot of things in life like, self doubt difficult situations, challenging situations, as long as like stressful situations as well.

Like we say that, Oh, we cannot take it anymore. Oh, we want to get out of this like uncomfortable predicament or whatsoever. But actually if we really take the time to calm down with the breath, with the mind, with meditation, I know it sounds very woo, but if you actually try it and let yourself be guided you’ll see what I mean.

And that is why I feel so strongly about these experiences, that I wanted to bring it all together and have you experience it. I want it to be more accessible to people.

And when I speak to people in Singapore and maybe some digital nomads as well who are very logical, very practical people and they hear of all these practices and they’re like, “yeah, you guys are like super woo woo” and stuff.

But if you actually just open your mind to experience it, it’s nothing spiritual. I’m not even religious or anything. I just feel like it’s a mental strength practice.

And that’s the whole reason why like I go surfing and I go rock climbing. Like it scares the shit out of me. I’m not even kidding. Catching waves, being plummeted in waves, swimming against waves and feeling like I’m drowning and just mustering all my effort just to stay afloat.

But it all ties down to this single theme, right? Which is,

Your mind is stronger than you think. once you can overcome your mind’s limits, You can overcome so many things you can do anything that you set yourself out to do.

So even if you have two left feet and you can’t balance on the surfboard, as long as you can practice your Mental strength – and how you’d practice it would be through these guided practices with breath work – Once you’ve mastered it and once you’ve taken control of your mind, your body will instantly follow.

Which means, you’re really not limited to what you think or who you think you are. Yeah, and that’s why I feel like this experience, this retreat would be super transformative. ​ ​

Check out the retreat here.

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December 2020, My First Mushroom Trip

Finding a balance. hot and cold, happy and sad

The ocean is my protector.
Holding in the reservoirs of my sadness/ burden. My memories.
Surrounded by my tears and everything in btw.
It is my home. To be cradled.

I am most myself when I’m in nature. Peeling Away from all the layers. bringing out our soul. minimalism
Grounding. Earth.
Energy from the sunset, wishing the light wouldn’t go. seeing the last vestiges of light on earth, feeling like another day has gone, a feeling of wanting to prolong the day.
sunrise – watching the earth come alive, when the birds and the bees are slowly rousing
Wrapped in water.
my element being sunrises/ sunsets, the way the colours play in the sky, from orange to pink to purple to blue. the clouds playing in different shapes

sunset:
clouds teasing
glowing
whimsical
fleeting
energy from the orange glow. buzz tickles my insides,
gentle light. pink hues. marshmallows. soft.
magic
to hold on to every last bit of the day. to prolong the last seconds of the day.

sunrise:
peace awash
a slow awakening
that brief moment in time where i have the whole world to myself. when everything is still enough for me to listen from inside.
before the world gets going.
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conscious breathing. forgetting to breathe
patterns. swirls from the leaves of the roof. clouds forming shapes.
watching my brain mechanism forming synapses from an outward POV

unleashing the reservoir of emotions that i hadn’t had the space to process. realizing how much i miss him, our time in hawaii. trying to answer the question on why i was attracted to Cade, what made him different. flashbacks of our picnic by the grass patch watching the sunset was especially strong. he knew how to appreciate the simple life, our comfortable silence. his quiet appreciation for me. how all he wanted was a simple life, family, living in hawaii, yet i had so many demands from him. our simple days filled with how the wave conditions are like, whether the weather was good and if so, we had to be out. being contented with what comfort we had in the work-in-progress house. we both found magic in sunrises. the intensity of his emotions.
uncontrollable tears, stuffy nosed and swollen eyes. triggered by music. looking at the fairy lights took me back to the food truck opposite of our place and how we would just idle
It’s in the quiet moments in btw. The understandable silence.

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hyperfocused, eliminating all the distractions. focusing all the energy to go deep within the recesses of our mind.

i went in not expecting anything. i knew i had some life questions that i’ve been asking my whole life. what my purpose is, what the people i meet mean to me, why i’m experiencing what i’m experiencing. why i gravitate towards certain elements and stay away from others.
slowly the dots started connecting. memories that had been long forgotten coming together. the pieces of a puzzle coming together.
how i’ve been collecting quotes and reading about self-inspiration. talking about how i’ve finally found what i’ve been searching for. having an appreciation for nature and its forces
seeing the gradual shift in the “why” i travel from wanting to check off new places and seeing new environments to being more excited about the living in different homes. home living > hotel living.

it was all part of a greater plan for me to discover the one sweet spot where i can recreate and call it my “home,” truly, home is not a place, but a feeling. and that’s a feeling i’ve been wandering through continents in search for.
everything we do, all our decisions, are led by this one motivation, to find/ feel a home. we work to earn money to be able to have the means to live our ideal space.
we find a man that makes us feel protected.
Breaking through all the barriers. To dig deep for the answers right in the heart and soul and seed of it.

We’re all on our individual quests for that one thing. In our world.

I’m living in the Borrowed lives of someone else’s life to find that one answer.

All that I’ve been searching for. Is the feeling inside me. A safe space to be unapologetically me. a place where i Don’t have to worry, answer to anyone, live up to anyone’s expectations.
Ocean.
All the signs pointing to that one place. Cape view Clifton. I have to do everything I can to recreate a space like that I call my own.
Fireplace
Christmas lights.
Cool temp.
soft sheets

Explosion of emotions when the answer became clear, so crystal clear. that i just burst into tears
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why christian, chris are in my life at this point. what they’re showing me, teaching me about myself.
chris’ bed, soft blankets, what it means to be financially stable – a layer of security
christian. the magical night with the fireplace, warm lights, glass of wine, comfy couch, blankets, an easy embrace, soothing jazz music – a moving scene. that one point where you don’t have to ask for anything more in life.
did christian’s presence have to do with my connection with Cape View Clifton?
realizing that nobody has to be permanent in your life, but that each of them has something to contribute to bring you closer to your path.

Which is also what we’re finding in a partner. Someone who can make you feel safe, cocoon, protected
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what money is worth to me:
as nothing but a means to attain the comforts, which is the root of all motivation. money acts as a blanket of security for us to prolong or safeguard our safe space. nothing more. a shortcut to finding that solace. those who’ve found it, don’t ask for anything else.
mitch globel and family – home in the woods, in touch with nature, with themselves, feeling complete
ockeydockey and family – happiest with family
Money is but a means, a shortcut to attain that feeling of home-ness. To ensure that security. To protect and safeguard so that you’ll be able to keep that feeling of homeness. That cocoon.

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am i a sad person? cade and i are more alike than I thought. Unpacking all that sadness.

there was so much i wanted to cry about that i’d been suppressing. my memories with cade, that powerful feeling when the answer came loud and clear to me, how moved i am to be taken in by jeff and kate and how they do everything to make me feel comfortable.
not sure what i did to receive so much goodness in my life. all of the people i meet and the kindness i was shown moves me. everyone who is a part of my life and have contributed to it one way or another, i’m so so full of appreciation for them that my heart is bursting.
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either a distraction or a process of self-discovery. finding my likes and dislikes. what i gravitate to and veer away from. all in the name of finding joy and bliss.

surrendering yourself, fully accepting yourself, trusting the process. knowing that everything eventually makes sense. everyone needs to find their own path, in their own time. all the deep conversations with PY about trying to figure out what life means is answered.

It’ll all come in its own time. We may have certain obstacles to overcome. along the way there are mishaps and obstacles. you may get lost in the noise. there may be lapses in your judgement, you may get hurt. Plenty of distracting along the way. Some mould you, others guide you.

Really about embracing the entirety of me. The sad side. The happy side. Just being open and accepting it without judgement or reservations. letting go.
we are so disconnected from ourselves that we forget who we are. forget what we stand for. forget what truly fuels us.

a release.
an awakening.
an otherworldly experience
our path. our journey in life.
it eventually takes us where we’re meant to go.
if only you allow yourself the time to.

Profound, almost unexplicable feeling.
bursting with emotions.
enlightened by life.

i surrender
to who i am, what i am.
i accept my actions, my lapses in judgement, my miscalculations.
my joys and my sorrows, the stress and the anxiety.
they are simply what they are – an expression of an afterthought.
i’m slowly learning how to love myself.
to be unapologetically me.

the divine power
the unseen forces
they exist around us. they surround us.
if only we stop and listen
if only we are still enough to watch

there are some things i will,
but i’ve learned to accept that everything has its own time
some are meant to leave a footprint, others